I went out last night solo downtown Boulder. I realized that I have spent very few nights going out on the town by myself. Last night I park my car and watch the groups of people walk by laughing together. I see the drunk guy stumble by. I notice my thoughts, “maybe I should just go home…How do I meet new people?…I am sure I won’t find anyone interesting…”
I muster the courage and get out of the car. I am having fun as I walk down the street knowing I look sexy and feeling confident in myself and in my body. When I reach the entrance of the club, I can feel the nerves spike again. I dance a few songs and feel bored…many people are drunk..several bachelorette parties..not feeling anyone to connect with so I leave.
Reflecting on my Fears
Today I reflect back on my fears. Why was I scared? What was I scared about?
In this inquiry I discovered fear of rejection or being offensive. I wonder what my experience last night would have been if in the moment I could have identified my fears as I sat in the car. I often have the experience if I can feel the fear in my my body and name it, it will often dissipate. This is the practice of making something object, if I can name the fear, that means I am NOT the fear it self.
I stopped drinking alcohol 20 months ago. From this experience last night, I can see why people drink alcohol. Even for someone like me, who is as confident as I am, I felt quite a bit of shyness, hesitation and nervousness.
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