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Hacking Masculinity

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The Cock Project was highlighted in this awesome resource. For any men interested in some awesome insight, check out this awesome series.

(Here's my contribution. Enjoy!)


Don’t get me wrong. I’m a fan of fantasy and sexual play. But a fantasy life where, instead of meeting people and situations head on, you:

  • Pretend you’ve got it together and are always the rock
  • Avoid asking questions, because you want to look like (and think you should) already know
  • Try to steer women toward being HAPPY rather than connect amidst ALL their emotions
  • Make choices based on what you think you SHOULD think, feel and want vs what you actually DO think, feel and want

…will NOT be fulfilling.

It’s like standing at a buffet full of amazing food… and starving. Or standing in front of beautiful, powerful women, maybe even having sex with them, but it’s empty.

Your needs aren’t met, the pleasure is actually just mediocre and you don’t get to feel loved, for real.

So what’s the difference between fantasy and reality?

Fantasy is keeping things nice, neat and pretty. It’s avoiding the grit to try to keep the goodies.

Call me crazy, but some of the best sex I’ve had was with tears streaming down my face, or beating on a man’s chest with anger.

Reality is messy, honest, raw and often scary.

It can seem like great sex in a relationship is created by focusing on sex itself. But more often it’s created when the hurt, mistrust, frustration, unacknowledged desires and lack of attraction are finally admitted and discussed.

It can seem like a woman will be more attracted to you if you prove your power and worth. But she’s more likely to want you when she finds that, in addition to your strength, you’re human and can be vulnerable.

When you’re willing to go into the fire of REALITY (with the right tools and attitudes) the love and sex you’ll experience gets hotter, more intimate and more exciting than you likely even imagine.

So the next time you’re tempted to bypass the reality in front of you, and choose what seems pretty over what’s real, think again.

When you move toward the raw truth, desires, fears and vulnerabilities, rather than attempting to create a fantasy, you’ll find a realm of profound love and soul-shaking sexual experience most people never get to experience.


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